Now that Elon Musk decided to reinstate the previously banned account from Donald Trump by setting up a poll on Twitter (which was mostly driven by bots instead of people - but that's a different story) I've decided to give Donald a brief update on what he has missed after his account was suspended on January 8th in 2021 following the attack by his supporters on the US Capitol.
so it's been 681 days without you. Given an average of 8 Tweets per day we were cheated of roughly 5448 of your rants on Twitter. Yes, we've missed you. Twitter quietly returned to images of cats and occasional posts by your successor President Joe Biden. Oh yes, and there is a war going on - initiated by your friend Putin and your other even closer friend Kim is toying around with a potential war, too - but you've of course heard of this already. But things changed dramatically this year on October 26th when another friend of yours - Elon Musk - was forced into actually buying Twitter. They've probably forgot to tell him about the perfectly fine restrooms at the Twitter HQ in San Francisco because he has brought his own sink on his first day at the office. He probably wasn't too happy about this and fired the whole board along with CEO Parag Agrawal, Chief Financial Officer Ned Segal, head of legal and policy Vijaya Gadde and General Counsel Sean Edgett, among others in executive leadership. Ouch, that hurt!
Most of the sissy brands supported by your friends over at the Democratic party pulled the plug and distanced from Twitter after he addressed them in a tweet - can you imagine? However, that put your friend Elon in a pretty uncomfortable position with interest expenses of up to $1.3 billion per year. So he does what he had learned from recently watching all episodes of "The Apprentice" and fired half of the team over at Twitter. Most of them were at home anyway so Elon didn't even had to talk to them in person. Unfortunately he also laid off some of the few he would need for some really cool ideas, so he was trying to re-hire some of the previously fired engineers for something really brilliant. He then forced head of sales Robin Wheeler, head of trust and safety Yoel Roth, the few of his remaining high-level executives, to host a Q&A with him in a Twitter Space (Wheeler and Roth quit the next day). That's where he introduced his vision on how to perform a "bot-cleansing" for Twitter: Verification for everyone! Can you believe that? It was hilarious. We've even seen your old pal George Bush who tweeted that he misses killing Iraqis. Poor George. Yes, you've really missed out on a lot of fun on Twitter recently. Nintendo went super-crazy and had Super Mario giving everyone the finger. LOL. Many celebrities thought it's funny, too - but don't worry, Musk banned them all. However, the few remaining advertisers were not too amused about all this, so Musk killed that feature. All this wasn't his fault of course - it was all about the lazy leftist-staff who really needed a wake-up-call. Oh boy and Elon gave 'em that call - by mail - and demanded staff to be "extremely hardcore". Staffers who would not click a link in that mail were considered as laid off with 3-months of severance. Hundreds happily did not click that link. Morons.
Musk, being mostly all by himself in 1355 Market St #900, SF, decided to go full "Home Alone" and close the office for the weekend, locking out the remaining few not being fired or having quit. And guess what? Your favorite website was said to blow up which attracted millions of people to crawl out of their holes, waiting for the servers to break-down. Twitter since then turned into a huge end of the world party (#RIPTwitter has been trending most of the time). You would have loved this, it felt a little like your fans last year on January 6th inside the Capitol. What a mess!
It didn't take too long before almost everyone and their brother started talking about Mastodon. It's the place everyone kept running to before your account had been reinstated. You are probably pretty familiar with this open source platform as your team from Truth Social borrowed most of its code.
At one point Musk said he would form a "moderation council" and everyone was super-scared that you would never return to Twitter that way. However, luckily Elon usually does not stick to his words and so that council for "major content decisions and account reinstatements" was never installed. Instead he put up that awesome vote you've probably heard of. A few people and more than 15 million bots voted - at the end you've did it! This time damn Dems could not rig the poll. Welcome back!
Update: Trump had appeared less than keen earlier in the day to return to Twitter. “I don’t see any reason for it,” the former president said via video when asked about it by a panel at the Republican Jewish Coalition’s annual leadership meeting.